The Talk
by David Carner
Summary: Two and a half years with little to few important discussions. It starts on a train going across the European countryside, Chuck and Sarah talk about the experience and pain. Canon
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So I found a prompt for 30 situations for an OTP (One True Pairing), and if any of you think I think it's anyone but Chuck and Sarah (maybe Jack and Sam on Stargate SG-1, but I don't write fanfic for that…right now). This was supposed to go in the OTP fic, but I didn't like it. I put it away and I came back and reread it and decided, it's a fine stand alone.

The prompt for this was scar worship. Now I'm going to make this mine, because that's a little TOO saucy for me, but I have an idea and I hope you'll join me. This one may yank a bunch of heartstrings and may even be just a hair angsty, but it takes place during The Honeymooners, so…exactly how angsty can it actually get? Warning…it may get…saucy. Welcome to The Talk

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck….

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_Clack-clack, clack-clack_

It had been three hours since they boarded the train in Paris. Two hours and fifty minutes since they made their way into the sleeper car. They were exhausted. Two and a half years of fighting everything there was to fight. Two and a half years of trying to deny what they felt, or get over what they felt, or just ignoring what they felt. Three days since they admitted to each other that they loved each other. Twelve hours since Sarah slammed shut that laptop and they had made love for the first time.

He had learned much in those twelve hours. Sarah did not like her feet cold in bed. Agent Walker was not Sarah Walker. There was no mask, there was holding back. Sarah Walker gave her everything when she wanted a man to know she loved him. Chuck reciprocated the best he could. The straight laced Agent Walker was a cover for the playful lover, Sarah. Chuck had always wondered how much of a cover Agent Walker was, the days he caught her with her guard down. The smiles, the laughs, and the feelings that she said she didn't know how to handle.

Chuck filed all of these things into his most important Intersect. The Sarah Intersect. He found a spot on her neck early on. She found the ticklish spot under his ribs, and he found a light scar over her right hip bone he had never noticed before. His right hand was currently on said scar, lightly stroking her side as she slept with her bare back to his chest. They were exhausted. Neither had held anything back, and emotions, tears, laughter, and love flowed between them.

He silently cursed himself. He could have been here six months ago, but he made a decision that he would regret for the rest of his life. Not the decision to get on the train six months ago. That was the right decision. No, the decision to not better explain things to Sarah. The decision to not fight for her and to try and have a relationship with Hannah. He had been hurt by Sarah's rejection and part of him wondered, did he chase Hannah because he wanted Sarah to know how he felt.

He shook his head. He had been a world class dumbass, and the most wonderful woman in the world had gotten past it. They had things to talk about, but he decided right then and there, he would never hold anything against Sarah when they weren't together. He realized tears were in his eyes as he heard one gently hit the pillow. He hated himself for what he did, but he was going to spend the rest of his life being there for her. The rest of his life he was going to be what she needed.

She stretched against him and his eyes nearly rolled back in his head from the sensations. "Twelve hours and your already crying about how bad it was?" he heard her teasing tilt. He rubbed his thumb across her hip bone and felt her shiver, bringing a smile to his face.

"Tears of happiness," Chuck replied.

"Nope," Sarah chirped. "I know you, Chuck. I know your tears of happiness, and that's not what that was." Chuck was silent. A second later she flipped over, facing him. Her left hand cupped his cheek. "Chuck, I want to try something new, and that's talk about things."

"Who are you and what have you done with Sarah?" Chuck asked. She smacked him in the chest, grinning. "You mean it?"

"Mmhm," she hummed.

"Fine, then I want to know, that scar on your hip-"

"The one you kept rubbing and kissing like you were trying to heal through the power of love?"

"Dear God, you are so cheesy."

"Your fault, Curls, you tore down all my defenses to your nerdisms." Sarah was grinning and Chuck wasn't sure if he had ever seen her so happy. "Anyway, that one?" Chuck nodded. "I can't really say."

"Is it because it's a top secret mission?" Sarah shook her head. "It's because I'll geek out about it, isn't it?" She twisted her lips and gave a one shoulder shrug, but the grin gave her away. "It's a knife fight in Jakarta isn't it?" She pressed her lips together, but her shoulders began to shake. "Oh my God! I'm right!"

"See, this is why I didn't want to tell you." She was shaking with laughter and then she buried her head in his chest and pulled him close. "Chuck, why were you crying?" He held her close, brushing her hair with his hand. "Please."

He pulled away a bit, looked her in the eye, and took a deep breath. "Mine is about a scar," he said softly. She watched him, concern on her face. He took his fingers, and gently laid them on her skin above her heart. "This could have been us six months ago, but I hurt you, scarred you, all because I couldn't take the time to properly explain things to you. I didn't put you first."

"Chuck," she began, but Chuck shook his head.

"Listen, I need to say this." She nodded. "All I had to do was tell you the truth. All I had to do was be honest and then, then we could have figured things out. I get it, you were scared what I would have to become. You were scared of so much, and when I put me first and didn't explain to you how us leaving would have killed me…no Ellie, no Morgan." She nodded. "You were trying so hard to protect me." Tears were in her eyes.

"But that's not the worst. I gave up, Sarah." She looked at him, confused. "I took the easy way out. I made a mistake, and I didn't quit fighting for you like I should have. I decided to do things with Hannah, you watched everything happen around me, you watched me slowly get turned into the one thing you didn't want me to be. You watched me kill a man, or so you thought-"

"Shaw," she began softly.

"Sarah, he's dead."

"No, Chuck..I….I went to DC with Shaw and…"

"It's okay," Chuck said softly. "I mean, it's…" she had tears in her eyes but she saw the love on his face, the fumbling, the stumbling. "You know what I mean."

"I didn't trust you," she said in a small voice.

"And I didn't trust you," he replied. "I didn't trust what I knew but never could believe. I didn't trust that the love I saw in what you did for me was real."

"We talked about getting back together and I went with Shaw."

Chuck nodded. "You did, and you said we'll see about us, and I went and started dating Hannah." She looked at him, unsure. "Sarah, did you love Shaw?"

"God, no," she replied quickly. "Even if he didn't try to kill me."

"I mean that kinda is a deal breaker, right?" She swatted him again. "Do you love me?" She nodded. "Do you believe I love you?" She gave him a look that made him laugh out loud. "Then this is us. This is our start, and we leave all that shit behind us." He reached over and moved the covers off her. She gave him a mock affronted look. "Unless that is, you want to tell me about this scar or any others?"

"Charles Irving Bartowski, you think just because you save my life you can do whatever with these covers?"

"But you told me to, Sarah," he replied with a cheeky grin.

"I did no such thing," she replied, confused.

"Your eyes did, Sarah," he said giving her the Bartowski Eyebrow dance. She barked a laugh and he leaned in and found the spot on her neck. "I love you, Sarah. Thank you for giving me the chance to prove it." His hand ran down her side to the scar and then cupped her hip.

"Don't blow it," she replied, a little breathlessly.

His lips captured her earlobe as his fingers traced their way across her waist. "I'll do my best. If I do something wrong, you'll be sure to correct me, right?"

"Yeah," she replied, losing control of her voice. His fingers slid across the tops of her thighs. "Can we talk more later?" She shoved him on his back, a grin on her face.

"You always more of a woman of action," he said, a matching grin on his.

"Chuck," she said softly, leaning down, her hand going through his curls. "I'm serious, can we talk more later?"

"Whenever you want, Sarah, whenever you want."

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A/N: It's not my normal, but…it felt like it had to be done.

DC


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Nice little one-shot. There's nothing else to write here. PMs, reviews, and emails later of what if, my brain says…yeah…but they have a point. I swear you all like winding me up to see where I go. Blame Dillwg and PeterOinNYC for this one. Ch 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck

What a difference twenty-four hours could make. Twenty-five through thirty-six hours ago, she still wasn't 100% sure what happened. That wasn't right, she knew, she just didn't know every detail. Broadstrokes, she was good. Daniel tried to kill her, Chuck saved her life. Daniel was dead. That she was good with, that she understood, the how….she didn't know everything, but she was sure Chuck would tell her, if she asked. She was sure there was some crazy reason that she couldn't comprehend why he knew to come to Paris.

She knew he wanted to, but he had been benched. She looked over at him. He was asleep on her bare right shoulder, her hand playing with his curls. He looked at peace. Many nights she had looked in on him during this assignment and he didn't look at peace…he looked troubled…like the weight of the world was bearing down on him. No, it wasn't the weight of the world, and she knew it. She sighed, both forlorn and happy at the same time. He had loved her for nearly as long as she had loved him and he was forced to be a part of a shared hell. The two of them were to be together, but not be together, while both of them wanted to be together.

She lay her head back against the pillow, chuckling to herself. So many mistakes. Both of them had made so many, but there was one, she hated herself for. There was one that crushed her and if it wasn't for Chuck she wasn't sure what would become of her. It was all his fault anyway. Since he came into her life…she stopped that line of thinking. He deserved to hear this. He deserved to understand what had happened. It would require many talks to get it all out, and they would have those, but he needed to realize part of this was soley on her. Soley on what Jack Burton had raised and made to believe to be true.

"Wow, I really hope it's not me your thinking about looking like that," Chuck said softly, pulling her out of her thoughts. She quickly shook her head. "Earlier you said we needed to talk more, I'm guessing that look has something to do with it?"

She pressed her lips against his curls. "You know how I was always trying to get you to understand you aren't defined by your past? Stanford, Jill, your parents leaving?" Chuck nodded. "There's a reason, it's my past."

Chuck sat up and looked at her, but he was quiet. He was giving her the space she needed to work this all out and get it out. "I've been molded to be something, and during that time, I lost me." She looked up at the ceiling, tears in her eyes, forcing herself to tell him. To trust the man she said she loved, and the man that she knew loved her. "I began to think all of the things that happened to me I deserved. I began to think all of the lives I took, the people I've been forced to con for either this job or helping dad, led me to Burbank. To show me what I could have."

"Sarah-"

"No, I need to tell this." She couldn't look at him, but she felt him nod. Tears began to fall down her cheeks. "Prague." She took a deep breath. "Prague was where I thought it would get as bad as it could get. Prague is where the man I love didn't choose me, or so I thought." She turned to him. "I get why you didn't do what you did, but what you didn't understand was, that only made it worse. I was going to be the reason you destroyed your life, one way or the other, and you didn't choose to take me with you."

Chuck's mouth dropped. "You didn't understand what I thought or was feeling at the time, and as usual, we…I…refused to talk about it. Because talking about it meant I had to face what I believed to be the truth again. I didn't deserve anything good." Chuck blinked, stunned. "You know after your red test, why I went to DC?" He shook his head. "It was what I thought I deserved." He shut his eyes. "You know I was never choosing between you and Daniel, I was choosing between what I thought I deserved and what I wanted, but that I might poison because I didn't deserve it."

He took her hand in his. He looked her in the eyes, his soft, understanding, compassionate. "And Sam…." She trailed off, wiping tears from first one eye and then the other. "God, Chuck, he didn't deserve to know, he shouldn't have gotten to know, but I had to see. I had to know. Could I feel anything with anyone?" She was silent a second and then a soft smile adorned her tear streaked features. "No, I couldn't," she said softly. "Only you. You should have gotten to know and no one else."

"I had no idea," Chuck said softly.

"I know," she said, wiping her eyes again. "And that's because I didn't want you to know. God, I need you to understand. I never didn't chose you, Chuck. I always choose protecting you, except sometimes I failed, and let you in, and I shouldn't have. I didn't think I was worthy, I thought I was poison. I thought all I would do is ruin your life, and the truth is, I don't, and you make mine better. You make my life so much better, but I didn't think I deserved you."

She blew out a breath. "So, when Prague happened, I was so hurt, I was so mad, I completely withdrew. I wanted you to find someone, because I thought it would end it. It would end me feeling things. Except it didn't. It made things worse. So I doubled down and found someone I was 'supposed' to be with. A spy. Because I couldn't be with you if you were a spy. In my head, and I'll admit, it is a bit flawed thinking." A slow smile being to play at his lips and she pointed at him. "If I was with you, and you were a spy, and not my Chuck, then it would kill me, because I would be reminded every, single, day….that I killed the man I loved. That the good guy I fell for when he said ballerinas were tall was dead, and there was this pod person with no emotions that took his place. But you didn't become a pod person with no emotions..what are you doing?" As she spoke the last sentence, Chuck began to move toward her, his eyes wild.

"Woman, you used pod people twice, correctly. I'm only human." She began to laugh and threw her arms around him. "Sarah, I love you," he said softly. "And, now, I understand so much more. Thank you for telling me."

"I'm going to tell you so much more, but as you can see, it's going to take some time."

"I've got the rest of my life," Chuck replied, as he began to kiss her. She gave him a look and he paused. "I'm-"

She put a finger on his lips. "Right now, one day at a time, together, okay?" He nodded. She gave him a grin. "But we both know, don't we?" Chuck nodded again. "Talk more later?" and then she kissed him.

A/N: Canon Sarah is…complicated. I truly believe she always chose Chuck, he just didn't understand how she did (and at times we didn't). He thoughts and feelings were conflicted so many times, but at the end of the day she protected him. It was only when they BOTH realized that each of them saw the other in this ridiculous light and they finally accepted each other, flaws and all (the hero worship each of them did to the other is so ridiculous some times) that they finally came together. This fic made me realize something without a shadow of a doubt. Those two kids are fine. They are together. I this was what you wanted or needed. Now I think it's done…until one of you says…but what it… (DON'T!)

DC


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I keep having thoughts. You're here, it's obvious we both have issues. Ch 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, or trains… I always wanted a train set as a kid.

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_Clack-clack Clack-clack_

She lay there, on her side, his arm wrapped around her, looking at her ring. She was absolutely exhausted, but also feeling energy and love she could never explain to anyone. _Sarah Bartowski_.

_Clack-clack Clack-clack_

The dream she had dared not dream her entire life had happened; she was married. As a little girl, she dreamed of Prince Charming coming to save her. Stupid fairy tale books. She had to go save her prince, and she was more than okay with that. He had been trapped by the evil Buy More and Intersect, and now she had freed him. And he had freed her, from herself, from what she thought she deserved. He had freed her from dwelling on all the terrible things she had done, to realizing those things were necessary for others to have this kind of life. A life of happiness, a life… of love.

_Clack-clack Clack-clack_

The hand left her waist, and she grinned. She knew what that meant. He was thinking. It was probably the same ole same ole. How he didn't deserve her. She wanted to roll her eyes, but she didn't have the energy. She needed to head this off, so she decided on a course of action. She flipped over onto her back, and looked over at him, wide awake. "You did know I was the ninja that stole your computer, right?"

His eyes widened as he turned to her. "No, but I really should have." She snorted. "How are you feeling?" She bounced a shoulder with a grin. "Should have known a killer virus wasn't enough to stop you."

"Wasn't enough to stop you, was it?" He grinned at her, and then the grin faded.

"Listen, I'm newly married but that look there," she said, pointing at his face. "It's not a good sign on one's honeymoon, which by the way, nice call on the train."

"Seemed… right," he said, a thoughtful look on his face. "It also made me start thinking, and… I think I need to apologize about something."

"Oh, boy," she muttered. His brows furrowed. "Don't give me that look, this is the Chuck Bartowski Special where you do your 'I've done something stupid' and you worry about it for the next three days. Can't we wait until we're back from our honeymoon?" Chuck tried to look affronted, but she gave him the Bartowski eyebrow dance, and his face seemed to melt.

"Woman, I am trying to talk, and your seductive ways are not helping me think."

She leaned in close. "That would mean I am doing what I aimed to do."

Chuck shivered and pulled away. "I really need to say this."

She pulled away and nodded. "Okay… you let me talk things out with you here, and the least I can do is return the favor."

"Thank you," he said seriously. He paused. "But after I'm done talking…"

"Oh, it's my honeymoon, Mr. Walker, and you have services to perform."

His neck turned red quickly, and a grin came to his face, but he kept his wits about him. "I judged you… unfairly." She narrowed her eyes trying to understand what he was talking about. "I pegged you for having a… type." She rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"No, no, it's okay," she said quickly. "Get out whatever you need to and then I am going to straighten this out once and for all."

"But that's just it, I think I now know what happened," Chuck explained. She nodded for him to go on. "A lot of the Bryce stuff was… well… me." Sarah pressed her lips together and gave a regretful nod. "I know, I blamed him for everything, and it wasn't all his fault. Him getting me kicked out of Stanford, yes. Everything else… no. That was on me, and I hid and blamed it on being hurt." Sarah sat there quietly. "It destroyed my confidence, and frankly, I can see where it could make one seem unattractive."

She stared at her hands, not answering, and he continued. "But, and you said this before and it never really clicked… but now that we're married, I'm not saying you have a nerd type." The grin on her face said she might. "But, I know you don't have a 'superheroey' type. Cole, Shaw, Bryce, they all had one thing in common, they all tried to…."

"Seduce, get into my pants, what term would you like?"

"Th-that's fine, any of those," Chuck responded, looking slightly ill at the thought. "They had the courage to approach you, the alleged Ice Queen, although, I never really saw her. Even when I was hurt and lashed out like a child about your being an emotionless robot, I knew it wasn't true." She gave him a quizzical look. "I don't know what you and Bryce had, or didn't have, and I really don't want to." She twisted her lips. "Sarah, it finally dawned on me. You have as much as said I'm the first real relationship you've ever had."

"You are," she admitted.

"And while I've been in relationships, I felt for you so powerfully that it scared me to lose you. And I saw these men who fit every single stereotype, and then Casey being Casey…."

"I love the big oaf, but I could kill him some days," she muttered.

"Same," Chuck groused. He sat there quietly. "I was scared. I was scared to lose you, and you weren't even mine… I mean you're not now, you get to-"

She laid a finger on his lips. "I get it," she said softly. "I get how they looked, but you need to know something: I am attracted to confidence." His eyes went wide. "When I see you figure something out and that slow smile that pulls your lips from your teeth comes across your face, and you know EXACTLY how to fix something…" She leaned in against his ear. "Chuck… it excites me."

"Oh, boy," he barely got out.

"I do have a type, you nerd, and it's my husband. Chuck Walker."

"That's me," he said, raising his hand.

"Are we… clear?" she snapped her teeth by his ear with the word clear, and he nearly whimpered.

"Very," he replied, in a high pitch voice.

"I really like this train. We should do this every year for our anniversary," she added. "Or a train somewhere."

"I'll see what I can do," Chuck said.

"Good. Now, you have husbandly duties, and enough with thinking someone else is going to win my heart. It's yours, now and forever."

"Understood," Chuck said, as she crawled into his lap. "Sarah?"

"Mmhmm?" she hummed, beginning to kiss him.

"I love you."

"I love you, Chuck."

* * *

A/N: I think there might be one more (I know it says complete but some people won't let this go.) If it is it's post-series. (Spoiler alert: There probably is)


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Another thought, I'm sure you have thoughts.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck.

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Clack-clack Clack-clack

_Kiss me, Chuck_

That's what she had said on the beach. That's what she had told him. Sarah Walker…Bartowski had told him to kiss her. He lay there in the bed alone, remembering that moment

Clack-clack Clack-clack

"Those bathrooms are ridiculously small," she said, as she got back in bed beside him.

"Mmmhmm," he hummed as she slid against him, wrapping his arm around her stomach, her chest to his back.

"We've had this conversation before?" She asked, threading his finger into hers. "I feel like we have a thing with trains. I remember…some things."

"What do you remember?" he asked, his breath hitting her ear, making her hips rub against his groin. "Yep! You remember."

She turned to him, a shy smile on her face. "Not everything," she said, a little sad. He pulled her even closer.

"I suspect as couples get older they do forget specific memories, but they remember how they felt, how their heart felt…you have that now," he said shrugging.

"And if I never get the others back?" she asked him.

He was silent for a moment. "Given some of the things I did that hurt you over the years, maybe it wouldn't be the worst idea," he said, looking her in the eye. She rolled over, facing him. "It's true."

"Chuck…we both know I've done plenty of things that hurt you, I remember some, and others…others I feel…or…sense? Does that even make sense?" she asked, concern on her face. He leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips.

"Sarah, here's the thing, it doesn't matter to me if you remember everything, or nothing. You love me." He paused, a goofy smile hitting his face. "That's what matters to me. You love me for who I am, for the man-child nerd that I am. You love me." He took her hand in his and pressed his lips to her knuckles, his eyes never leaving hers. "And you stayed with me. You didn't run when things got hard, even though you wanted to." Tears were in his eyes.

"Chuck, I'm sorry, I wanted to-"

"Wait, you don't remember all of this, so I need to explain it, so you understand why it's such a big deal to me," he said. She nodded. "You know mom went to fix the issue with Volkoff, my mom chose her job…fixing a mess, over me." Sarah nodded. "My dad went after her, choosing her over me." Sarah's face softened. "When Bryce framed me, Jill couldn't be around me, so she lied about her and Bryce, choosing to be alone, rather than be with me."

He was near tears at this point. "I took me a long time to understand that everything you did, you did for me. Even when you left to be with…" he shook his head.

"Shaw," she offered.

Chuck gagged a little, making her laugh.

"You told me about him," she insisted.

"You asked," he retorted. She shrugged. "You went with him, because you choose to let me do what you thought I wanted to do, and also you had this thing where you didn't think you deserved the best in life." She pointed at him, raising a questioning eyebrow. "Gurl, you know it's me." She burst out laughing. He took her hands in his. "And then you chose to stay. You had no memories of me, but something in you told you to stay with me."

She looked down at their hands. "Did I?" she asked. "Or was I just too scared to leave?"

"Why would you be scared to leave?" Chuck asked her.

"Because a life with you is what I always wanted as a kid," she replied. "Not you as in….well…you."

"I get it," he told her.

"But, a life. A real life."

"And you made a decision. You made a decision to not leave and go to that beach."

"What would have happened if you hadn't have gone to that beach Chuck?" Sarah asked.

He smiled at her. "Sarah, what would have happened if Bryce hadn't sent that Intersect?"

"We wouldn't be together," she said. He had a doubtful look on his face. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, Sarah _Bartowski._" She gave him a smile. "You and I are you and I." She tilted her head. "You tore up half of Thailand to find me, I took on Russia for you."

"But we wouldn't have known each other," Sarah countered.

"But we knew we didn't have the right person," Chuck pointed out. She gave him a look. "Come on, neither of us have ever felt right with anyone else, deep down. You know it and I know it."

"Okay, I concede that," Sarah admitted. "So you think we'd of found each other?"

He shook his head. "I know it," he told her. "We're lucky, Sarah. We've been through hell, and it would have ripped others apart, but there's something between us, something…"

"Special," Sarah offered. "And…" she let out a breath. "And there is," she acknowledged. She lowed her lips to his hands and kissed his knuckles. She raised her head, looking him in the eye. "We're gonna be okay, aren't we?" Tears were in her eyes, but they were hopeful tears.

"We are, baby, we are," he said.

Clack-clack Clack-clack

}o{

_Five years later_

Clack-clack Clack-clack

"You think he'll like it?" Chuck asked, as Sarah came in through the basement door, watching the train he had finished building run around the track.

"Not as much as you do," Sarah replied, grinning at him. "I don't think your son is old enough to appreciate trains the way you do." She slid her arm around his waist. She watched the train go around the track for a moment. "Come on," she said, gently.

"Where are we going?" he asked her. She grinned at him. "What?"

"I need to make a few memories," she said, winking at him. They walked upstairs to make many more.

* * *

A/N: Unbeta'd. Hope you enjoyed it.


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